A few years ago I began writing an epic book about strip clubs, The Ultimate Strip Club Guide. It’s a major work in progress and not totally finished yet because I’m being a psycho perfectionist about it. I feel like if I’m gonna do it, it seriously has to be the end-all book on American strip clubs.
Anyway, in the weeks and weeks while I was writing and “researching” the book, I observed some interesting things in my notes and started making funny sidebar lists, facts, and anecdotes based on the data I had collected for the book. Here is a small example.
NOT GAY!!!
Here are some unfortunately named strip clubs with names that make them sound like gay bars. I swear, despite their names, these are strip clubs and not gay bars.
Bear Chest Lounge – Beloit, WI
Big Daddy’s – New Orleans, LA
Big Earl’s Goldmine – Des Moines, IA
Bookem Dano’s – Denison, IA
Chez Joey – Baltimore, MD
Cockatoo Club – Yankton, SD
Cruisin Chubby’s – Wisconsin Dells, WI
Dandy Dan’s – Denver, CO
Foxx Hole – Tulsa, OK
Gladiator Bar – Gilbert, MN
Glo-Worm Lounge – South Bend, IN
Mary’s Club – Portland, OR
Maverick’s – Sioux City, IA
Men’s Club of Houston – Houston, TX
Mens Club – Flint, MI
Michael’s International – Houston, TX
Neon Cowboy – Byron, GA
Partners Tavern – Erie, PA
Peacock – Winner, SD
Pirate’s Cove – Aberdeen, SD
Scuttlebutt Lounge – Slidell, LA
Second Street Slammer – Hastings, NE
Shotgun Willie’s – Laurel, MT
Shotgun Willie’s – Rapid City, SD
Skippers Club – Warren, OH
The Lumber Yard – Des Moines, IA
Tool Box – Ogden, UT
Tootsie’s Cabaret – Miami, FL
RUNNING NUMBERS
US strip clubs called “Teasers” – 159
US strip clubs with “Fox” in their name – 258
Cost of a table dance in Inver Grove Heights, Minnesota – $1
Number of totally nude clubs in the state of Utah – 0
Dollars spent on lap dances by Matt Goias while writing this book-$158,643
Strip clubs in Portland, Oregon – 36
US strip clubs with “Dolls” in their name – 384
Strip clubs owned by Luke Skywalker of 2 Live Crew – 3
Strip clubs with official bans on “gang clothing” – 3
Number of strip clubs describing their food as “5 star dining” – 89
Strip clubs with the word “Crazy” in their name – 213
Percentage of strippers who are, indeed, crazy – 100
Number of Idaho clubs describing themselves as “Best in Idaho” – 6
Number of strip clubs in Idaho – 6
4 responses so far ↓
Chips // December 30, 2008 at 1:24 am |
There’s a club named the Golden Banana in Saugus, MA… I thought it was a gay club for years
Matt Goias // December 30, 2008 at 1:26 am |
Awesome. That’s a good one. I need to look into that place.
buster // December 31, 2008 at 9:20 pm |
I have driven by Scuttlebutts in Slidell on a trip from Austin to NY and it has become a regularly used point of reference for us. My friend always says, “Scuttlebutts: they’re pretty when your drunk.”
thenakedlife // February 13, 2009 at 3:50 pm |
I am working on a similar project:
http://www.thenakedlife.wordpress.com